I see a conflictedness in this woman's writing that you seem to be under-acknowledging here. On the one hand, she uses language of "beauty" and a sense of fulfillment, but then in some of these quotes she seems to let her guard down enough to admit to feelings of wariness, like when marveling at the durability of the gestational sac. It's seeing nature's protection of the baby that makes her see the unnatural in the killing. And that's the flicker of doubt she was willing to admit in print. Who knows how many more moments of doubt she's hiding, even from herself, by trying to focus on the skill? I suspect the focus on the skill required for the job serves as a distraction from what the job actually entails.
I see a conflictedness in this woman's writing that you seem to be under-acknowledging here. On the one hand, she uses language of "beauty" and a sense of fulfillment, but then in some of these quotes she seems to let her guard down enough to admit to feelings of wariness, like when marveling at the durability of the gestational sac. It's seeing nature's protection of the baby that makes her see the unnatural in the killing. And that's the flicker of doubt she was willing to admit in print. Who knows how many more moments of doubt she's hiding, even from herself, by trying to focus on the skill? I suspect the focus on the skill required for the job serves as a distraction from what the job actually entails.
An interesting observation. I hadn't thought of that. Thanks for sharing.